The Impossible Dream
Zacharias finished up the last few days of his week of priestly duties and then set out southward from Jerusalem to travel the 19 miles home to Hebronas quickly as he could. The entire temple had been in a complete stir over his inability to speak, and he was eager to leave and not have to attempt any more explanations. Besides, he could hardly wait to tell Elizabeth what had transpired with Gabriel. He was anxious to see her face when she read the letter he had written for her. How he wished he could speak. It would be so much easier to explain everything that way. "Why did I ask Gabriel for a sign?" he mentally flogged himself. "Wasn't the appearance of an angel sign enough? But then again, this is the part of the proof. My not being able to speak means that it is happening just like Gabriel said it would."
Elizabeth rose from her bed earlier than usual on this morning. She had much to do. Zacharias was coming back, and she wanted their home to have the fragrance of a fresh cleaning, newly baked bread, and Zacharias' favorite stew. As she chopped with her knife vigorously up and down on the vegetables she had purchased the day before at the marketplace, she thought of how good it would be to have her husband home again. She missed him more than ever this time.
Zacharias was her life. Without children to occupy her time, she devoted most of it taking care of her husband and their home. Of course, she also served God in whatever capacity she could. She, too, was a descendant of Aaron, and it was considered commendable for priests to marry within their own family line so that the priesthood would remain pure. But being a woman, Elizabeth had always tried to walk in a righteous and holy manner, diligently keeping the commandments of the Lord. As a result, they both knew that her barren condition was not the result of sin. And so they did not allow this great disappointment to cloud their joy. Certainly they had shed many tears over it, and they continued to feel their loss, but they were not bitter. They put their energy into serving God and caring for others. As a result, they were loved by everyone who knew them.
As a woman, however, Elizabeth knew that being childless was looked upon by many as a curse. Some people even believed that barrenness meant God had withdrawn His favor. This reproach was difficult for Elizabeth to endure. But even more than that, not being able to raise her own child, and never having a son to carry on the family name or be a comfort to her and Zacharias in their old age, was always a hard reality. When Elizabeth finally let go of that burning desire for a child, it was as if she had experienced a death. Laid to rest years ago, it was an impossible dream now.
Elizabeth placed the hot bread on the cooling board and stirred the lentil stew. Zacharias was not due to arrive until sundown, which was at least another hour away. So she had her back to the door when it burst open and flooded the main room of their small house with light. She turned quickly to see who was there.
"Zacharias, you're home already?" she beamed happily as she laid down her wooden spoon and walked quickly to him with her arms outstretched. She hugged him and took the cloak from his shoulders, hanging it on a hook next to the door. Immediately she sensed that something was different.
"What's the matter, Zacharias? What is this strange new look in your eyes?" she questioned. "Why don't you speak?"
Zacharias pulled from his pocket the rolled-up piece of papyrus upon which he had written his letter and handed it to Elizabeth.
"A letter for me?" she exclaimed as she unrolled the top of it. "From you?" She looked up at him incredulously. " What does all of this mean?"
He gestured for her to sit down, which she did, and he took a seat next to her. She read silently for a moment and then looked up at him suddenly.
"A son? For us? she exclaimed. "But we are... well...we're old."
Zacharias motioned for her to continue on. She read more quickly over his words and when she looked up again, tears spilled from her eyes and watered her cheeks in limitless measure.
"I've dreamed of giving you a son, Zacharias," she said softly. "And I thought I saw the death of that dream. But I do trust that all you've heard and seen are from God."
Zacharias put his hand on her arm and smiled. He thought of being with Elizabeth again in that same closeness they had known for years, but now with the hope and anticipation they had shared when they were young. It was almost too much happiness for him to endure.
Even if I could speak, I don't think I would at this moment, thought Zacharias. He struggled to control his own tears, but they came streaming down his face. He began to have thoughts he had not allowed himself to have for many years.
"Deep in my heart there was this ember of longing," said Elizabeth, drying her tears with her apron. "I guess it was kept warm by the flame of my own desire. It was a dream I held in secret, even though I yearned to hold it openly. It was fanned by my hope into a fire that burned to such heat I could no longer touch it. So I extinguished all that would keep it alive. I never told you, Zacharias, but that dream never died."
Zacharias caressed her hand and smiled.
"Oh, Zacharias, isn't it just like the Lord to invite us to put our dreams into His hands? Asking us to release our grip on them, to forever surrender our plans? And then, when He's certain it's not born of men, He calls for that fire to rekindle again. And He asks us to know with our hearts what we can't see with our eyes. It must be God when our dream never dies."
Zacharias nodded with full understanding. He took Elizabeth in his arms and embraced her tightly. She was as beautiful to him then as she had been as a young bride.
Within a few weeks, Elizabeth was certain she had conceived. She and Zacharias determined they would not say anything about this to anyone until it could no longer be hidden. They found, however, that although her condition could be concealed, their joy could not. They couldn't stop thanking God for bringing this new life where there had been no possibility of it before.
"The Lord has done this for me," Elizabeth marveled time and again. "He has looked on me kindly and heard all my prayers. He has taken away my shame, and I will no longer be looked upon as an object of pity. I thought my life was nearly over, and now I have a future I didn't think possible. And this child is a sign that the Messiah is coming. God has kept His promise."
Unable to disguise her emotions, Elizabeth's happiness overflowed noticeably in public.
"What has gotten into you, Elizabeth?" people often said when they saw her.
If only you knew, she thought and smiled broadly at them.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Friday, December 10, 2004
A Midsummer night's dream
August 17, 2004
Spiritual Thought
Stability, steady, that's how he is. A man I have raised up over time with the passion for living, living for the truth. Standard, a man like no other. You see him as set apart because he is different from the other men you know.
He's sincere, kind and gentle but he can be fierce, forceful and strong. You will love everything about him and celebrate how I have created him. He has a different personality, he loves nature, the moon and the stars which I have set in place. Just as I have quieted your heart so I will begin to speak in his, show him my splendor as he comes to you. He will find favor. You will know it is him because of how he speaks to you. I have given him wisdom like no other. There will be no struggle only a connection between two beings. When you look up in the sky and see the stars, I will confirm it to you and to him. I know you long to be next to him and share this love. There will be no mistake about it. You will surely travel with him as I take you to places where you will spread the Word and the Holy Spirit who works on you will be faithful to complete it. You have specific requests of how you'd love him. How "mayabang" he may seem to others but you'd love his courage his confidence. How he speaks with wisdom beyond his age and how you'd love to listen to him as he preaches the Word. How he leads without question. A man so strong in appearance, like a wind that passes by. You know he was there but you won't be able to catch him. How you'd love how he' d get irritated by the Metro Manila traffic and how he'd love it when you hold his hand and assure him you have time. He will love God more than he loves you. There's kindness in his eyes.
He will sing to you songs that will make you kilig…hey, remember your list? #2 he will ask you for a first dance and the entire world will see my faithfulness in putting you together without shame or blemish.
You want mystery, you want surprises but the whole world will witness your love story. And stories will be written about it as if it were a legend.
You do not settle for the lower lovers of the kingdom. But your heart is set for the king.
I love you, my daughter. Live as to please me.
DAD
September 4, 2004
As we had the first practice at the Fort for Worship this Sunday I felt God's presence. I couldn't help but say, "my Lord, do you have any idea how long I have wanted to be in this position you placed me…to be a woman." I didn't even finish my sentence yet when God started saying, "do you have any idea how long I have waited for you…" I was left at a loss for words the first time. But it was the most wonderful moment ever and more.
It's you, nobody needs to tell me so. It's you, you're the angel sent from heaven above. For me…If only I had not waited I could have picked the wrong one. If only I had not waited my life will be undone.
I love the mystery of not knowing who he is or where he is. Thanks Lord, you know me well.
"I know what I want and I want what I know"
November 23, 2004 Tuesday 11:30pm
Isaiah 57:2 "Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death."
Daniel 12:13 " As for you, go your way till the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days you will rise to receive your alloted inheritance."
Revelation 14:13 "Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "write: Blessed are the dead who die iin the Lord from now on." " yes," says the Spirit, "They will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them."
That night God spoke to me about burying my isaac. My one desire to love and be loved. The vision of building a home and raising up a family. That night I buried my desire and dreams in a box reasoning like Abraham that God can raise the dead. It took all that I've got to die to my own passion and desire.
I gave my testimony to my discipleship cell group Nov. 26 Friday and little did I know that on the same night He will give His provision. A man laid down his intentions to me, he asked "Will you allow me to pursue you?" and I said yes…
Spiritual thought: Dec 2, 2004 8:10 am Thursday
I miss you, my daughter, my princess. Why do you fret it only leads to nothing? Sometimes you have to go through a season of pain in order to achieve a season of gain. I have ordained your life and know the days to come. Am I not the faithful God? And when I bring you to a situation, am I not faithful to complete it? I will bring you through it. I know you know this already. But I know you need to hear it. So typical of how I designed you.
Father, a man is pursuing me but I want your wisdom & discernment about the situation. What are the implications of responding to him? What is your will? I will not invest on someone or something if there's no future in it. If this is coming from you give the man wisdom and decisiveness. I want to hear from you if he is the man that you have for me, Father. If not, end this please this instant.
Dec 3, 2004 12:40 am Friday
Wow Father I have never experienced life this way before. You just allowed us to face our fear of being exposed. But you exposed us anyway. Honesty is important in any relationship and when he told me about his financial condition and his long term plan and goal. I was just amazed at how you put us together. Trust was established and when I got home, just thanking you for the day, being in your presence, you showed me love. I felt love for him. It was more of a decision, a realization, more than just a feeling. As I got to know him, I fall more deeply in love with God. And the love that we share comes from Him. It was never about us but about my Father in heaven. I know no other way how to love but the way my Father has shown me love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Focus is the word.
Dec 3, 2004 7:50 am
2 Samuel 23:3-5
"When one rules over men in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God, He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning. Like the brightness after the rain that brings the grass from the earth. Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with an everlasting covenant arranged and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation and grant my every desire?"
year 2002
John 7:6 "The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right…you go to the feast, I am not yet going up to this feast, because for me the right time has not yet come."
Dec 2, 2004 4pm Women of Timing, Hannah (REMEMBER)
2 Corinthians 6:2
"For He says, 'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of Salvation I helped you.' I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of Salvation."
December 2, 2004 1:30 AM
Ps 16:5-6
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure, the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."
Father, how can I not love you? what will I tell my heart? .....
I knew I loved him before I met him, I think I dreamed him into my life. I knew I loved him before I met him, I have been waiting all my life.
December 4, 2004
1 Peter 3:4
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
When we went to Intramuros, I asked him in Baluarte de Santa Barbara when and why he decided to open his heart. He said that first day we met and spent time. He felt a connection and he has a list of qualities in a woman he wants for a wife. I met all his expectations and more. he shared about his passion for this nation and the vision God gave him. It was confirming almost everything that my Father has placed in my heart. Confirming that I can consider...
He asked me when and why I decided to open my heart, I realized I only opened my heart after he laid down his intentions. I remembered asking God to reveal me to my man first. I want to be found and that i will see him.
Lord, you are true to your word as we delight ourselves in you. You will grant us the desires of our hearts. I'm glad I waited on my Lord. He's everything I've ever envisioned him to be, passionate for God. A visionary. A man of strength and character, passion for the lost, would love Kyle and his priority is family. Most of all, my father confirmed it in my heart and in my spirit. People are bearing witness. Since this was started by my Father, "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete in you." He will bring to fruition what transpired during the last 2 weeks in our lives. "So is your word that comes out of your mouth. It will not return to you empty but it will accomplish what you desire and achieve the purpose for which you sent it."
Lord, remember how you would just tell me to fast only when he has gone. My prayer is to sustain us, protect each one of us. I offer this relationship to you. I love you my Lord. Tell me what you want me to do. Lord God, tell me what you want for my life. it's yours O God it's yours. Do your will, have your way. Be Lord God in this place. I want your will to be done. I live by faith and not by sight. Prepare kyle's heart and my family's heart. I choose to obey you. I hold on to your word.
December 5, 2004 12:32 AM Sunday
"When the word of God, the impulse of the Holy Spirit in my heart, and the outward circumstances are in harmony, then I am convinced that I am acting in accordance with the will of God". FB Meyer
Ruth 1:16B
"Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay, your people will be my people and your God my God."
Ps 25:4-7
"Show me your ways O Lord, teach me your paths;
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
For you are God my Savior,
And my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
For they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth,
And my rebellious ways;
According to your love remember me
For you are good O Lord"
For Kyle: Ps 22:9-10
"Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.
From birth, I was cast upon you;
From my mother's womb,
You have been my God."
For Rose: 1 Tim 2:15
"But women (she) will be saved (restored) through child-bearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety"
December 2, 2004 Thursday
Kuya's email:
You need to be very patient in praying for confirmation. You can continue communicating through email or by phone when he goes back to Australia. Just let God do the working out of the long distance friendship and if it is God's will, things will smoothly run its course. You need 3 confirmations. First, seek counseling from your discipler and email me what she said. Then, pray for a word from God to really confirm if he is the one. Then lastly, seek internal confirmation if there is a love from God for you to share with this person. Don't worry about how Kyle would relate with him, the Lord will take care of that. Just put your trust in God and rest in His own timing for everything.
December 6, 2004
Greatest challenge for this relationship: Ro 4:20-24
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God. Being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. This is why " it was credited to him as righteousness," the words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness- for us who believe in Him who raised Jesus, our Lord from the dead"
Ro 5:8
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
"I know no other way how to love but the way my Father has shown me love.
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
And stories will be written about it as if it were a legend. In the beginning...
Spiritual Thought
Stability, steady, that's how he is. A man I have raised up over time with the passion for living, living for the truth. Standard, a man like no other. You see him as set apart because he is different from the other men you know.
He's sincere, kind and gentle but he can be fierce, forceful and strong. You will love everything about him and celebrate how I have created him. He has a different personality, he loves nature, the moon and the stars which I have set in place. Just as I have quieted your heart so I will begin to speak in his, show him my splendor as he comes to you. He will find favor. You will know it is him because of how he speaks to you. I have given him wisdom like no other. There will be no struggle only a connection between two beings. When you look up in the sky and see the stars, I will confirm it to you and to him. I know you long to be next to him and share this love. There will be no mistake about it. You will surely travel with him as I take you to places where you will spread the Word and the Holy Spirit who works on you will be faithful to complete it. You have specific requests of how you'd love him. How "mayabang" he may seem to others but you'd love his courage his confidence. How he speaks with wisdom beyond his age and how you'd love to listen to him as he preaches the Word. How he leads without question. A man so strong in appearance, like a wind that passes by. You know he was there but you won't be able to catch him. How you'd love how he' d get irritated by the Metro Manila traffic and how he'd love it when you hold his hand and assure him you have time. He will love God more than he loves you. There's kindness in his eyes.
He will sing to you songs that will make you kilig…hey, remember your list? #2 he will ask you for a first dance and the entire world will see my faithfulness in putting you together without shame or blemish.
You want mystery, you want surprises but the whole world will witness your love story. And stories will be written about it as if it were a legend.
You do not settle for the lower lovers of the kingdom. But your heart is set for the king.
I love you, my daughter. Live as to please me.
DAD
September 4, 2004
As we had the first practice at the Fort for Worship this Sunday I felt God's presence. I couldn't help but say, "my Lord, do you have any idea how long I have wanted to be in this position you placed me…to be a woman." I didn't even finish my sentence yet when God started saying, "do you have any idea how long I have waited for you…" I was left at a loss for words the first time. But it was the most wonderful moment ever and more.
It's you, nobody needs to tell me so. It's you, you're the angel sent from heaven above. For me…If only I had not waited I could have picked the wrong one. If only I had not waited my life will be undone.
I love the mystery of not knowing who he is or where he is. Thanks Lord, you know me well.
"I know what I want and I want what I know"
November 23, 2004 Tuesday 11:30pm
Isaiah 57:2 "Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death."
Daniel 12:13 " As for you, go your way till the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days you will rise to receive your alloted inheritance."
Revelation 14:13 "Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "write: Blessed are the dead who die iin the Lord from now on." " yes," says the Spirit, "They will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them."
That night God spoke to me about burying my isaac. My one desire to love and be loved. The vision of building a home and raising up a family. That night I buried my desire and dreams in a box reasoning like Abraham that God can raise the dead. It took all that I've got to die to my own passion and desire.
I gave my testimony to my discipleship cell group Nov. 26 Friday and little did I know that on the same night He will give His provision. A man laid down his intentions to me, he asked "Will you allow me to pursue you?" and I said yes…
Spiritual thought: Dec 2, 2004 8:10 am Thursday
I miss you, my daughter, my princess. Why do you fret it only leads to nothing? Sometimes you have to go through a season of pain in order to achieve a season of gain. I have ordained your life and know the days to come. Am I not the faithful God? And when I bring you to a situation, am I not faithful to complete it? I will bring you through it. I know you know this already. But I know you need to hear it. So typical of how I designed you.
Father, a man is pursuing me but I want your wisdom & discernment about the situation. What are the implications of responding to him? What is your will? I will not invest on someone or something if there's no future in it. If this is coming from you give the man wisdom and decisiveness. I want to hear from you if he is the man that you have for me, Father. If not, end this please this instant.
Dec 3, 2004 12:40 am Friday
Wow Father I have never experienced life this way before. You just allowed us to face our fear of being exposed. But you exposed us anyway. Honesty is important in any relationship and when he told me about his financial condition and his long term plan and goal. I was just amazed at how you put us together. Trust was established and when I got home, just thanking you for the day, being in your presence, you showed me love. I felt love for him. It was more of a decision, a realization, more than just a feeling. As I got to know him, I fall more deeply in love with God. And the love that we share comes from Him. It was never about us but about my Father in heaven. I know no other way how to love but the way my Father has shown me love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Focus is the word.
Dec 3, 2004 7:50 am
2 Samuel 23:3-5
"When one rules over men in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God, He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning. Like the brightness after the rain that brings the grass from the earth. Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with an everlasting covenant arranged and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation and grant my every desire?"
year 2002
John 7:6 "The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right…you go to the feast, I am not yet going up to this feast, because for me the right time has not yet come."
Dec 2, 2004 4pm Women of Timing, Hannah (REMEMBER)
2 Corinthians 6:2
"For He says, 'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of Salvation I helped you.' I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of Salvation."
December 2, 2004 1:30 AM
Ps 16:5-6
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure, the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."
Father, how can I not love you? what will I tell my heart? .....
I knew I loved him before I met him, I think I dreamed him into my life. I knew I loved him before I met him, I have been waiting all my life.
December 4, 2004
1 Peter 3:4
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
When we went to Intramuros, I asked him in Baluarte de Santa Barbara when and why he decided to open his heart. He said that first day we met and spent time. He felt a connection and he has a list of qualities in a woman he wants for a wife. I met all his expectations and more. he shared about his passion for this nation and the vision God gave him. It was confirming almost everything that my Father has placed in my heart. Confirming that I can consider...
He asked me when and why I decided to open my heart, I realized I only opened my heart after he laid down his intentions. I remembered asking God to reveal me to my man first. I want to be found and that i will see him.
Lord, you are true to your word as we delight ourselves in you. You will grant us the desires of our hearts. I'm glad I waited on my Lord. He's everything I've ever envisioned him to be, passionate for God. A visionary. A man of strength and character, passion for the lost, would love Kyle and his priority is family. Most of all, my father confirmed it in my heart and in my spirit. People are bearing witness. Since this was started by my Father, "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete in you." He will bring to fruition what transpired during the last 2 weeks in our lives. "So is your word that comes out of your mouth. It will not return to you empty but it will accomplish what you desire and achieve the purpose for which you sent it."
Lord, remember how you would just tell me to fast only when he has gone. My prayer is to sustain us, protect each one of us. I offer this relationship to you. I love you my Lord. Tell me what you want me to do. Lord God, tell me what you want for my life. it's yours O God it's yours. Do your will, have your way. Be Lord God in this place. I want your will to be done. I live by faith and not by sight. Prepare kyle's heart and my family's heart. I choose to obey you. I hold on to your word.
December 5, 2004 12:32 AM Sunday
"When the word of God, the impulse of the Holy Spirit in my heart, and the outward circumstances are in harmony, then I am convinced that I am acting in accordance with the will of God". FB Meyer
Ruth 1:16B
"Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay, your people will be my people and your God my God."
Ps 25:4-7
"Show me your ways O Lord, teach me your paths;
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
For you are God my Savior,
And my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
For they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth,
And my rebellious ways;
According to your love remember me
For you are good O Lord"
For Kyle: Ps 22:9-10
"Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.
From birth, I was cast upon you;
From my mother's womb,
You have been my God."
For Rose: 1 Tim 2:15
"But women (she) will be saved (restored) through child-bearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety"
December 2, 2004 Thursday
Kuya's email:
You need to be very patient in praying for confirmation. You can continue communicating through email or by phone when he goes back to Australia. Just let God do the working out of the long distance friendship and if it is God's will, things will smoothly run its course. You need 3 confirmations. First, seek counseling from your discipler and email me what she said. Then, pray for a word from God to really confirm if he is the one. Then lastly, seek internal confirmation if there is a love from God for you to share with this person. Don't worry about how Kyle would relate with him, the Lord will take care of that. Just put your trust in God and rest in His own timing for everything.
December 6, 2004
Greatest challenge for this relationship: Ro 4:20-24
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God. Being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. This is why " it was credited to him as righteousness," the words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness- for us who believe in Him who raised Jesus, our Lord from the dead"
Ro 5:8
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
"I know no other way how to love but the way my Father has shown me love.
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
And stories will be written about it as if it were a legend. In the beginning...
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